Charismatic senior dog

Pickup lines are tricky things to get right. And as Drake the dog would teach us, they’re also completely unnecessary. This year, Drake the dating expert wants to lend a paw to anyone who struggles with wooing a love interest. By way of a special Valentine’s Day gift to one and all, Drake is passing along some of his hard-earned wisdom. Everybody have pen and paper ready?

Senior dog with aloof romantic charm

Here’s how Drake works his magic. He lets the cuties come to him. "Ha!" you say. "That can’t work!" Perhaps not for a lesser talent, but Drake is at the head of his class. Ever since he came to Best Friends from another shelter, he’s left a trail of broken hearts wherever he’s been. At every step of the way, this confirmed old bachelor has had a gal or two pining for him, including his latest roomies, a couple of younger dogs named Raspberry and Brook. Drake is 12 years old; his companions are only three. How does he do it? Once again, he lets them come to him. Jot that down! It’s powerful stuff.

You see, Drake is a master at feigning disinterest. Here’s a snapshot from his life. He’ll head to the day spa (hydrotherapy sessions help with some creaky hips) and stay long enough to make sure his adoring friends have time to miss him. Then, when he returns and they’re anxious to see him, Drake pulls the ultimate hard-to-get routine and—sha zing!—the oh-so-attractive younger girls cover him with kisses. Wow. Drake, is it really that simple?

"Well," he answers, "it doesn’t hurt to have enough natural charisma to fill a jumbo aircraft carrier. Like I do." Oh. Knew there had to be a catch...

Photo by Molly Wald.