Male vs. female cats: Assessing the pros and cons

By Samantha Bell, Best Friends cat behavior expert

Ask any cat lover and they’ll give you their opinion on which is “better”: male cats or female cats.

As the cat behavior expert for Best Friends Animal Society, I’ve spent over a decade working hands on with thousands of cats, helping them on their journey to finding new homes. I consult with cat adopters, mentor cat rescue groups, and have lived with my fair share of cats.

So when it comes to the hot topic debate of male versus female cats, I’m here to help you decide which is the best choice for you. 

Let me start by saying that every cat is an individual. So much more goes into what makes them who they are than whether they are male or female, or orange or tortie, or shorthaired or longhaired. And traits are neither pros nor cons — it’s all simply about what’s a good fit for you and your lifestyle.

Many of the traits we’ll cover are sweeping generalizations, pop-culture tropes, or my personal opinion based on my own experiences. Your experience with male and female cats may completely defy the generalizations we’re about to get into. For example, I have an orange male cat who is not silly at all, and I’ve met many torties without an ounce of sass.

However, in general, male cats are often known to be more friendly, easygoing, and attention seeking while female cats can be more independent, cautious, and reserved.

Now, if I would have read that statement back before I lived with male cats, I would have said, “That is completely untrue. My girls are friendly, easygoing, and attention seeking.” But now, after 13 years of living with male cats, I must say that I tend to agree with those stereotypes. While my females were all those things, my males take it to another level.

Here are some more slight differences between male and female cats:

Size:

Male cats tend to be bigger-boned and heavier than female cats. Male cats weigh about 10-15 pounds, while female cats weigh about 8-12 pounds.

This size difference comes down to something called sexual dimorphism, meaning that males and females of a species are physically different. In this case, male cats are usually larger and more muscular than females. The testosterone in males naturally increases muscle mass, bone growth, and overall size.

And evolution plays a part in their size too. Male wild cats evolved to be larger, so they could win fights and attract mates. This trait has been passed down to our domestic cats today, one of the many ways they are closely tied to their wild cat ancestors.

So if you’d like a smaller cat, a female might be the way to go. Personally, I enjoy feeling like I share my home with mountain lions. I think size really only matters if you have physical limitations when it comes to lifting or carrying. What truly matters is personality and finding a cat whose energy fits best in your life.

Personality and temperament:

Some studies suggest male cats have a higher degree of boldness than female cats, making them more outgoing, social, and adventurous. While unneutered male cats are extremely territorial, I’ve found neutered males to be more tolerant of new cats entering their territory than females are.

It’s also a great example of why spaying and neutering are so beneficial. Ensuring that cats are spayed or neutered not only reduces the number of animals who enter shelters, but it may also prevent behavioral and medical problems from developing in cats, allowing them to lead longer, healthier, and happier lives.

In my experience, female cats are slightly more independent and cautious than males. This makes them more selective when showing affection. But when they do decide to trust you, female cats can be incredibly loving.

Lifespan:

So much of a cat’s lifespan depends on whether they’re spayed or neutered and indoor or outdoor. Spayed or neutered cats who live indoors will live longest.

But females win this category, as they tend to live one or two years longer than males. That quality of boldness that makes male cats so gregarious can cause them to take more risks. And male cats are also more prone to life-threatening urinary blockages. 

My best advice to anyone adopting a cat is to have an open mind. Meet as many cats as you can and see which ones you are most drawn to and which gravitate toward you.

Don’t try to force a connection with a cat because of their color or sex. Let the connections happen naturally. The best cat for you is the one you connect with.

• If you have a playful, energetic cat at home, try to find a cat to match their energy, regardless of whether they’re male or female.
• If you have a senior cat at home (7 years and up), try to find a cat around the same age. Kitten energy can be too much for an older cat.
• If you have a busy schedule, consider an older cat. They typically don’t require as much time as a kitten does and will be so grateful to be in a home.
• If you decide you want kittens, a pair of kittens will make life easier for you than a single kitten. Together they learn to bite and wrestle each other instead of you.
• Make sure your new cat is spayed or neutered. Not only does spaying or neutering improve your cat’s health and behavior, but it’s also a crucial step in controlling the pet population and saving lives.

There are so many wonderful cats, male and female, waiting for you in shelters and rescue groups. Focusing on anecdotal or stereotypical sex differences could cause you to miss out on a wonderful match. Each cat has their own special personality, and you won’t know which cat is the one for you until you meet them.

When you’re at the shelter or rescue group, ask staff and volunteers about the cats’ personalities. They know and love these cats and may have some wonderful stories about them that can help you decide.

Introduce yourself to cats with a wand-type toy instead of your hands. Hands can be scary in shelters because hands clean cages and deliver medicine, so toys help build cats’ confidence when meeting new people.

And remember that many cats won’t show their true personality in a shelter setting while they’re adjusting to all the new sights, sounds, and smells. Don’t pass over the cat hiding under their bed. They may be the biggest cuddle bug once in a home.

Whether you decide on a silly male or a sweet female, when you adopt a cat from a shelter or rescue organization, you’re saving lives and gaining a loving companion. Visit your local shelter or rescue group and bring love home.